The Blog Entry

If you're opening a business, it is imperative that you resist the urge to name in the most generic of terms. It may seem cute to open up a barber shop called "The Barber Shop," but I assure you that this lack of originality is not only wholly un-cute, but downright confusing. Recently, I've been noticing a lot of different small businesses popping up with these supposedly charming generic names, and it's starting to really become a problem.

By naming your laundromat "The Laundromat" or your bar "The Bar," you are essentially, and unknowingly, giving up on standing out from the crowd. You are surrendering any hope of notoriety, and are instead doing everything possible to blend in with your competitors. If you aren't going to take the time to think of an original name, what makes me think you're going to have an original product?

I can only understand this if you are the first store of your kind. If I opened a store that was the only one in the area, or the entire state, that offered different kinds of licorice, then maybe I could justify calling myself "The Licorice Store." But the stores I've been seeing aren't offering any new products or services; they are directly competing similar stores in town.

Let's say there are five donut shops in town (I'm not sure why that would happen, but it would rock regardless). If one of them is named "the Donut Shop," I would reckon that it would get lost in the crowd. If I'm told to run down to the "donut shop" and get a dozen for breakfast, my first thought isn't going to be "Ah yes, THE Donut Shop." Maybe for some folks, it works the other way, but I have trouble believing that. The problem is, there are too many adults (and trust me, they're all adults) that think naming this stuff in generic terms is cute/charming/clever.

It reminds me of a skit that the Cellar Dwellers performed years ago, it was called "Skit." Essentially, the joke of the skit was that a family was living in strictly generic terms. "Son, would you like some dessert?"; "Mother, I'm going to City to see Band in concert."; "Dad, I want to cheer on Team while they play Sport." Yeah, it went on like that. And all of the props in the skit were white boxes labeled "Prop." It was a great little skit that applies directly to what I'm talking about.

The worst is when these stores put their own names in quotes. Welcome to "The Furniture Store." It's almost as if the owner should be winking at you every time you read the sign. The quotes give an added message to the sign that reads "Hey, look we named the store after what the store IS! Get it? Eh? The Furniture Store! Eh? Eh? Isn't that funny?" The quotes make me want to punch the storefront for being stupid. Of course, then I would be stupid for punching a building.

I can only hope that this is a temporary fad... and that eventually these stores will adapt new names. Maybe they are just trying things out before attempting to build a reputation with a true name. Or maybe these names are just the result of months of arguing and debating amongst store owners. "If we can't call it 'Jim's Barber Shop' and we can't call it 'Greg's Barber Shop,' then it shall be 'THE Barber Shop.'"