James Buys a New Computer

Ok, James this is it. You need a new computer. You're old laptop, Corky, just isn't cutting it anymore. He's heavy. His screen is about to fall off. he's riddled with viruses. Yes, he was your college computer. There is a lot of sentimental value to Corky, and yes, buying a new computer is going to cost you some money, but face it, Corky is dying. This is your time, now go into that mac outfitters and get yourself a new computer

Let's see. Where do they keep their notebooks in this piece. There's so much stuff I don't understand in here. Why don't I know more about this stuff. All my peers know about this stuff. Where was I when everyone was learning about computers and technology? Probably watching cartoons or reading some Russian novel. Damn, I'm already lost. I should have done more research.

Yes, yes, friendly sales person, I would like some help. Finally, someone to guide me through his wasteland of monitors, keyboards, and flashing shadow dancing iPod Commercials. He's probably about my age, only he knows what's up. He's a nerdy hipster with his plastic rim eyeglasses and short hair cut. He's probably into online Role playing games and hiking outside in the fall. I bet he rides a mountain bike to work and eats Cliff Bars on his lunch. For some reason I want desperately for him to like. He complements me on my 'A Scanner Darkly' T-shirt. Oh sweet joy, the hip computer store sales person likes my shirt. Things are going better than I could have hoped.

Here are the notebooks. That's the one I think I want. The sleek white one that costs less than the other ones. Now, to just confirm my desire. I need to ask some questions of this salesman. Come on, James. Think of some good questions. You had some good ones in the car. Dammit, I should have written them down. But I was driving. That would have been a terrible mistake. This isn't a problem. I can come up with some questions. I just don't want to look ignorant in front of the salesman. We've already bonded over my shirt. I don't want Kyle to think less of me. Oh God, I'm thinking of the salesman by his first name. This is weird. But I still don't want him to think of me as some rube. Come on, think of something smart to say already.

"Does this computer allow one to 'surf' the 'Interweb'"

Idiot. I'm a complete moron. Of course this goes on the interweb. Is that even word? Interweb? That doesn't sound right. That's because it's not right. The words internet. How could I forget the term internet. I sound like my dad. I think I've made an awful mistake. Kyle probably thinks I'm an idiot. This is terrible. Maybe I should just go. There are other stores out there. No. No. I can pull this out. Maybe Kyle just thought I was being ironic. Crap. He's talking. He's been talking all this time. I haven't been paying attention. Apparently he's trying to demonstrate features. I don't know if I understand.

Ok. There's a camera up top there. I can smile. I can take my picture. Boo-ya. I know how the camera works. I'm like a hacker. This isn't so bad. Wait. Stop fiddling with the camera. Kyle's trying to show me more stuff. Focus, James. This is a big investment. Pay some attention. I wonder how heavy this thing is. It doesn't look so heavy. Almost anything will feel light after Corky. I bet I could throw this MacBook the whole way across the room. Not that I want to throw it across the room. That would be ridiculous. Of course, now I am a little curious as to how far i could heave this. I wonder if they have some sort of empty MacBook around without the computer bits in it, about the same size and weight. Then I could throw it and not worry about breaking anything. They probably don't have anything like that though. Most people probably don't think about how far they can throw a computer. Oh, well.

Crap. Kyle's been talking. I really need to pay attention. He's showing me how the dashboard works. I can probably figure that out. Hell, let's be honest. I probably won't use half this crap. Wait. Kyle just said something about Podcasts. I know that word. Finally. I make a podcast. By make, I mean I write and perform and by some magic Little Mike makes it appear on the interweb...I mean, internet.

"I do a podcast."

So, there Kyle. I am also involved in your hip cyber-world. Impressed yet. Please, be impressed. He doesn't seemed impressed. He probably is, but doesn't want to show it. He's working. He's in the middle of a sales pitch. He doesn't want to get side tracked with asking me all about my podcast. Yeah. That's probably it.

Wait. Did that other salesman just compliment me on my shoes when he passed by? This is weird. Maybe I should tell him that I'm already being helped by Kyle. I don't want these MacBoys fighting over me. Or DO I? ...

Focus. Kyle's showing me how the date book works. I know I'm never going to use that. If he's gone all the way through the features to the point of trying to sell me on the datebook, we've gone through everything. Maybe I should just tell him I'll take the computer. I was pretty sure I was going to get it before I went in. I've got the money. Plus, if I buy one Kyle will definitely like me. And, If i have one, I can throw it.

Shalom