If I Was into Guys, I'd Be into The PC Guy

Yeah, I know the Mac guy is younger and hipper. He runs all sorts of cool applications. He speaks Japanese. He doesn’t need to hide from spy ware. He makes better photography slideshows and handles media better. He used to be on ‘Ed’. But I’m just not that in to him. Not that I’m into guys – let alone guys who are acting as personifications of cold, inhuman computers – but if I were into guys, the Mac guy is just not my type. Sure, he’s hip, but he just strikes me as the type of person who rubs your nose in his own hipness. He comes off as the kind of pretentious jerk who says things like: “I can’t believe you haven’t seen this film yet” two days after the movie opened in limited release. He seems so full of himself. He’s so concerned about keeping up his own appearance of being on the cutting edge, that he cannot be bothered to care about someone else. Who wants to be in a relationship with a petty jerk like that? Not me, even if he does have all the latest things and has a broad knowledge of all the latest subjects of note. None of that matters because he wouldn’t really appreciate you. He’d probably be out all night with his Japanese friend and he wouldn’t even have the decency to call and make up a lie because he knows you’ve spent all night slaving over a hot roast. He’s a total jerk. Just look at how he treats the poor PC guy.

Ah, the PC guy, there’s the man I’d want to be with – if I wanted to be with a man, which I don’t. Just look at him. He has that hangdog expression, slightly awkward demeanor, and warm caring eyes. Sure, he isn’t flashy. He’s a little old fashioned. He’s a little befuddled. He’s completely adorable. Who needs the snarky Mac guy with his smarmy hipster charms? Give me the gentle PC guy. He’s the sort of guy who would really appreciate you. He wouldn’t take you for granted the way the Mac guy would. He may not be able to express himself as well. He may only have flow charts and spread sheets to tell you how he feels, but at least you would know that it was genuine, and from his heart. Plus, he’s totally huggable. Don’t you just want to snuggle up in his arms with a nice hot mug of hot cocoa? When he’s sitting in his box, don’t you just want to climb in, curl up on his lap, and take a gentle nap? I know I do – at least I would if I were into guys, which I am not. The Mac guy is good for a random night on the town, but if you really want to be happy and stable, it’s PC all the way. He’ll never leave you. He’ll never wander off with some hot new application. He’s the nice guy your mother wants you to end up with, but you don’t realize that’s what you want until it’s too late.

Now, this is in no way meant to show any preference to either computer. I know nothing about computers. I don’t even really care. But I do know a little thing about matters of the human heart, and my heart says PC guy all the way – at least it would if I were into guys, which I assure you I am not.

Shalom