Class of 2020 Mindset List

The class of 2020 is now entering their freshman year of college. Ahead of them lies a brand new world to experience, and what the future holds is certainly uncertain. However these young adults have grown up remembering the world much differently than you and I have. While the class of 2010 may have never experienced the Soviet Union or life without Wal-Mart, the class of 2020 has an even stranger path to college.

• They have grown up outliving every "end of the world" prophecy left on the planet.
• The class of 2020 will be used to "blog-functionality" infused, rather unnecessarily, with every aspect of their daily lives.
• This freshman class has grown up with the pleasure of never having to vote for a Vietnam-era Senator.
• They will never have to deal with integrating sports teams in to colleges.
• Global cooling has made it so that many of these freshman will never need air conditioners... at least until it starts warming again.
• This class has all watched time-traveling prophet John Titor on television for years.
• Coffee has always caused cancer.
• Their "Livestrong" bracelets are now "Die Hard" bracelets.
• They will have never personally known a member of the "Greatest Generation", who would have surely regarded this class as the "Worst Generation."
• The Weekly World News has always been more trustworthy than the New York Times.
• Photoshop has always been free.
• They have never heard of Saturday Night Live, but they sure do love the Cellar Dwellers.
• Black eyed peas have always been dangerous chemical weapons during their lifetime.
• Apple has always been the dominant hardware system.
• President Bill Clinton is merely looked upon as a traitorous womanizer, much like Mallard Fillmore was looked upon as a whig-wearing nobody in 2006.
• They never saw Tucker Carlson wearing a bow tie.
• The class of 2020 can only count change by 5's because their lowest coin value during their lifetime has always been the nickel.
• President Lincoln has always been on their nickel.
• The Post-Office has always been a museum showcasing the days of yesteryear.
• Horses have always talked.
• It has always been a federal offense to charge more than $3.00 for parking.
• More than 50% of children have always been diagnosed with "Blackberry Thumb."
• They have only known two rulers of England: Blairbot 2000 and J.K. Rowling.
• The number of the beast has always been 665.9999 (repeating).
• Cars have always been powered by homeless vagrants.
• America has always been listed on maps as Los Estados Unidos.
• New Orleans has always been owned by Willy Wonka.
• After the ear-bomber of 2016, this freshman class will forever have to swab their ears for airport security.
• TV Land has always shown "Arrested Development."
• George Lucas has always claimed that "Star Wars Episode XII: The Claw of Han" that was written with the original trilogy.
• "Trilogies" have always included five movies.
• Lists always refer back to themselves. Ha.
• Ha ha ha ha.
• The Oxford comma has always been associated with neo-Nazis.
• They have never experienced an iPod.
• The smallest soda drink has always been a "large" and the largest soda drink has always been a "I can drink this."
• Fizz City has always been the capital of Sheetzburg, which was the 54th state in Los Estados Unidos.