Setting the Bar

I am well aware it often seems to the casual observer that I am simply drifting through life. I have – I am well aware – a vast reserve of talent and potential. Well-educated and creative, the world should be my oyster. However, this does not appear to be the case. From the outside, I appear happy to slide by living well beneath my potential. It appears as though I have no guide for my life, no goals.

This is – believe it or not – absolutely not the case. I do have goals. I have a lot of goals. My life is adhering strictly the plan I have laid out for it. It is a bit of an odd plan. Esoteric in its details, I am well aware that my life’s arc will not make sense until it is over. Then, everyone will gather at my funeral, review my life, and everything will snap into sharp focus. “By Jove,” everyone will gasp, “Surely, James has lived one of the most extraordinary lives in the history of extraordinary lives.” Just wait for it. You will be astounded.

Now, I know everyone is desperate to hear of my plan, of my goals. Everyone wants just a taste of the astonishment that is sure to await them upon my death. Well, I will not – dare not – be too liberal with my details. My life depends upon secrecy and surprise. I will give you just a taste. I will tell you one – just one – of the myriad goals I have set up before me. I will tell of only one of the Herculean tasks I shall accomplish that will etch my names among the immortals.

I will sneak into Dollywood.

Yes, I am well aware this seems a fool’s errand. Dollywood is a fortress. Its perimeter is locked down tight. Guard towers, rabid dogs, barbed wire, turnstiles all lay betwixt me and my prize. Rest assured this is not a undertaking I intend embarking upon lightly. I shall not venture into the heart of the great Smokey Mountains without the most intricate and fool-proof of plans – and a back up plan in the event of the first plan’s failure. I am – as I write this – intently studying the plans and blueprints of Dollywood. I know of its subterranean levels. I know the shape and nuance of its exterior perimeter. I know of the Trapper and Baxter Bear the so-called friendly roving characters who bring laughter and smiles to guests throughout the park. Oh, yes, the perils of this mission are well known to me. Rest assured, I do not plan on being a simple gate crasher. Such brashness is sure to fail in such a situation. I must rely on calm, cold deliberation and execution. Of my plan I must say no more. I dare not compromise the integrity of the mission.

While the perils are many, the prizes are more than worth it. Once inside Dollywood, I will be in a wonderland of rides, live shows, and rustic Appalachian charm. I will gorge my self on the cornucopia of hard earned themed treasures. Most of all, I will achieve immortality. Forever, I will be known as the man who looked fate in the eye and laughed. I will be known as the man who dared attempt the impossible, and lived to speak of it. I will be the man who scaled the insurmountable peak of life. I shall be, forever, the man who snuck into Dollywood. When I am through, even Ms. Parton herself will speak of me in the hushed reverential tone reserved only for those who have accomplished the impossible. I shall be legend.

Shalom
James