A Wonderful Prom Theme

My brother, Danny, is the president of his junior class; he has been since his regime takeover at the end of his freshman year. I never had much reason to run for high school class officers (mainly because my compassionate conservative agenda wouldn't have been well-implimented in planning the class retreats), but there was one aspect of being president that did interest me: planning the prom. As the class president, you sort of lead the prom committee (which is a very interesting role for a guy like my brother). You have to find a venue to hold the dance, organize all of the sub-committees, and pick a theme.

Picking a prom theme has always been one of my great joys in life. I love picking themes for any sort of event. When Karissa asked me what should be the theme for your floor decorations, I told her to go with "The Exxon Valdez Oil Spill Adventure." The entire floor could be decorated to look like a shoreline, and she could scatter stuffed animals (which were dunked in black paint) all around the hall. Floor activities could involve scrubbing things with toothbrushes... For my brother's high school homecoming theme, I suggested Roman-times, complete with a gladiator pit. This of course, would have been interesting since the entire school is made up of Christians...


But no matter how many hilarious, and ingenious, themes I think up... nothing could top the actual theme he and I discovered last night. We were flipping through an oversized catalogue of decorations by some prom company called Anderson, each theme seemed to get worse and worse: "Such Great Heights," "Garden State," "It Could Happen To You." They were ridiculous themes filled with decorations you would really only see on "Laguna Beach" or "The OC." That is, until we found the motherload: "A Night to Treasure."

It was a pirate theme! Such a fabulous theme that I went ahead and scanned the magazine, just so you don't think I'm making this up. As you can see by the picture, the lads of the evening will have a great time wearing an eye patch and captain's hat. Hell, you can even wear around a sword to make sure no one tries to cut-in while you dance with your wench. Meanwhile the evening will be filled with the majestic scent of stale ale and fish. By the end of the night, you'll be sure to "plunder" a nice "bounty of booty," if you know what I mean.

Some of the fabulous decorations include giant treasure map pillars, reminding everyone that the treasure is buried in the back alley where the chaperones can't see. The backdrop for the evening features outlines of your ship, which is both sinking and burning at the same time. You and your date walk trot into the dance on a red carpet, stained with the blood of your fallen enemies. Along your way, you can pass treasure chests overflowing with stolen goods and barrels filled with stale alcohol (not for consumption, kids). At the end of the walk, you find a pleasant skull, most likely belonging to some English dignitary that you snuck up and killed out on the high seas.

What better way to put every student into the world of the hit film "Pirates of the Caribbean" than by paying hundreds of dollars for these decorations. But, I understand that not every school is a public school settled nicely in a high income suburb. No, some schools (like my brother's) are private and go without the wealth of our state government. And so, they may not be able to raise the funds necessary for such an extravagant set. This is why I suggest acting like real pirates. Pillage and plunder the neighboring schools for loot and treasure. Rip down the banners that hang on the gym walls and paint skulls and crossbones on them! Poke out some guy's eye so he gets a free eye patch! You don't have to be a wealthy high school to have a great pirate theme. You just have to be quick witted and willing to loose a few classmates along the way (someone is bound to be captured or forced to walk some sort of plank).

Danny informed me that this pirate theme would be at the top of his agenda for his next prom committee meeting. Of course, we both doubt very much of his idea succeeding. The committee is filled with alot of girls and parents who just want the evening to be "magical" and "memorable." I say, what's more memorable than robbing a government-paid explorer and hiding his money on a deserted island?