Head Games

I ran into someone the other day who started telling me about how her ex was harassing her and her new boyfriend. The guy was sitting outside their house in his car, and she thought he was sneaking in when they weren’t there.
I didn’t think about whether it was weird or scary or deranged, instead, what I thought about was this:
Everyone knows someone who has been harassed by a jilted ex or deranged want-to-be lover; someone who does shitty, shady stuff, like breaking into a house, sending threatening emails, or taking a dog. But why is it no one knows the person doing the harassing?
You never hear: “Hey, I’ve been going over to Angela’s house the past couple weeks, leaving threatening stuff laying around, I took some CDs one night when the door was open, left a Foreigner CD standing on the coffee table – it has our song. I hope she doesn’t call the cops.”

That guy is always someone else. I don’t know why for sure, but I have a few theories:

Theory 1: If it’s retaliation for harassing, it’s not harassing.
“We think Billy’s been coming into the house, because some of my CDs are missing, so we sent him a picture of Nate holding his hunting rifle. I have to protect myself.”
Seems reasonable – on a I’m-dealing-with-a-deranged-ex kind of level.
But Billy’s friends only hear, “Angela’s new boyfriend sent me a picture of himself holding a shotgun, with a note that said, ‘It’s open season on ducks and trespassers.’ What the hell’s that mean? I asked her for my CDs like a thousand times, but that bitch didn’t want to give them to me. So I took them and gave her some of her stuff back.”

“You won’t believe what Billy did today. He left that Care Bear I got him for his birthday on our porch, with a knife stuck in it and a note that said ‘Two can play that game.’ What’s that mean? He scares me.”

Leave out a few of the details and the thing you did to provoke the thing they did, and you sound like a champ. A put upon, living-in-danger champ.

Theory 2: It’s just one guy who is harassing all these people. He doesn’t have any friends, so he doesn’t have anyone to tell. All he does is move from relationship to relationship, sending emails, stealing CDs and screaming at the houses of the people in the relationship he just left.
And he’s got a CD collection you wouldn’t believe. (Which leads me to believe it could be BOB from that new radio station.)

Theory 3: Harassers are smart and savvy enough to not talk about it. But what are the odds a dog stealer is smart enough not to talk about it?

That’s it. Those are my theories, and whichever is right, it doesn’t really matter. Either way, I got my CDs back. And I’ll leave you with some worldly wisdom. When the going is good in a relationship, always make a spare house key.

Peace
Larry