Spilt Coffee and a Table to Blame

I drink alot of coffee, this is understood by those who know me. In all of my experiences with coffee shops across Western Pennsylvania, I have discovered that there is a single element to a coffee shop that makes it what it is. It's not the brown and dirty-gold interior, the good looking cashiers, or the fresh smell of ground up beans. It's something almost unnoticeable... until it splashes you in the lap. Every coffee shop, or donut shop, or anywhere that serves coffee in open containers (that aren't mugs), must have tables that are a tad wobbly.

People don't often notice this, blaming themselves instead of the furniture designers. "Oh it's just my overly sized, too-heavy, elbows! I'm just so freaking clumsy. I hate myself." I know we've all said this time and time again, and it is this kind of thinking that is feeding the diet craze in America (how's that for a pun?!) But now you can relax, because this happens to everyone. It's supposed to. That's the entire point of going to a coffee shop, so that table can wobble and spill coffee all over the place.

Why are coffee stables made to be wobbly? The answer isn't so simple...

You have to look back at the culture that first invented the table: the vikings. There are some theorists who say Joseph, the father of Jesus, invented the table. However since the Bible is to be viewed as symbolic and metaphorical, instead of literal, these theorists are labeled "insane." The vikings invented the table during their forge of Newfoundland and Maine back in the 1200's.

When the table was first utilized by Erik the Red, he applauded his carpenter's work at making a fine and sturdy device to place meals and work papers on. It was far better than the Ottoman he had been using to eat off of. Everything was great until he tried to take the table on his boat. As you may know, the viking ships (before they invested in steel) were curved, narrow, and made of wood. Erik tried with all of his might to make the table fit on the ship, but objects with a square, flat base can't fit on a curved surface. To rectify the situation he had his carpenter cut two of the legs short. The table fit on the curved hull of the ship, but when he took it on to land again he saw that it was wobbly.

Future generations, basing their tables on his design, carried on the wobbly table tradition. Now every table in a coffee shop can fit perfectly on a viking ship. So don't blame yourself for Erik the Red's shortsighted design solutions. You spill your coffee because that's the viking way. Yeah... I went there.