Here Comes the Draft!

Hey kids, I dunno if you heard yet or not, but there's gonna be a draft! And I tell you, I can't be more excited. When I was doing my research on the issues involved with this year's election, I came across MTV's commercials warning me of the inevitable draft. And because MTV is the only reliable news source that I pay attention to, I made sure to tell everyone about this upcoming draft! From what I hear, it's going to not only be terribly corporate, insensitive and damning, but also a hell of a lot of fun! Think of it as the NBA draft plus innocent middle class children mixed with the aura of the Children's Crusade back in the Medieval times.

I can't remember who first told me about the draft... was it P. Diddy or MTV? Or are they the same... Well whomever it was, they were pretty adament about the fact that Bush was the evil man that's going to be ripping me from the loving arms of my liberal arts college and throwing me into the quaggy mire of war. How inconsiderate! I mean, afterall this war is happening only because of this man's delicious lust for oil... Barbara Steisand told me so!

In order to prepare for my inevitable departure overseas I've begun compiling a list of things to do or pack:

1. Start eating nothing but hardboiled eggs, celery, and V8 Splash in order to get my body to the size it needs to be to combat innocent civilians.
2. To get interviewed by MTV and say how much my life will be ruined by Donald Rumsfeld and his gang of merry men.
3. Be as ignorant and gung-ho as Michael Moore portays our troops... afterall I want to make sure I fit in.
4. Call the Dixie Chicks and let them know that they should kick the fat one out of the group... and that their anti-war/country-jamming is not only out of character, but totally right! Oh Dixie Chicks you were right about this draft!
5. Pack the following items: a camera phone so I can tip off Al-Jazeera as to my whereabouts, a copy of Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 Companion, a confederate flag, my Canadian immigration papers stamped with the word "DENIED," my incomplete college transcripts, the complete first season of Punk'd on DVD, and of course plenty of grenades so I can blow up grandparents and playing children, because afterall that's all we soldiers do overseas!

Wow, this draft has me so excited! And to think that it's all because I didn't rock the vote hard enough... if only I had plugged my absentee ballot up to a Yahama amp and let that sucker blast! Seriously, who cares if there is currently no legislation in place that would call for a draft! And what does it matter that the only bill asking for a draft was unanimously voted down in Congress, even by the guy who proposed the bill! That doesn't mean a thing to me, because there are commercials on TV telling me otherwise!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to tell off all of my professors, rip up my text books and trash my co-curricular transcript because I'm getting drafted out of this college any day now!!!!