Take That Mole People

As I am sure you are all well aware, gas prices are - how can I put this gently - un-freakin-believably high. Prices are going through the roof and there's nothing we can do about it. You can blame whoever or whatever you want - The president, the war, high taxes, big oil, OPEC, the evil conspiracy of mole people intent on keeping everyone down - it's not going to make a lick of a difference. It's still going to cost you a weeks pay, an arm, a leg, and a first born to fill up the old gas tank.

At least it's going to cost YOU all that. That's right, I have found a way around high gas prices. How am I getting around high gas prices, you ask. Is it public transportation? Heck no. What do I look like, an idiot? No, I have found a much more eloquent solution to the gas price crisis. You see, my car no longer runs on gasoline. Believe it or not I have found an alternative fuel source. My car now runs on dreams.

That's right. My car runs on the ephemeral but limitless power of human imagination. I know it sounds quite odd, but it's all true. It took a little work but I think I have the system down. Now whenever I get in my car I just have to say to myself "wouldn't it be neat... If people had wings," or "...I was the holy roman emperor" or "...My fingers were glow sticks", and away I go. All I need is my imagination and I can go where ever I like. And I don't mean that in the lame Reading Rainbow/Muppet Babies sort of way. I can actually drive there.

Now, I know everyone's wondering how I did it. How can someone with no engineering background make his car run on the power of dreams? It was easy. It's all psychosomatic, like how I made myself like asparagus or how my brother convinced himself he had mono and actually felt sick for a month. Through an intense regimen of reassurance, I actually made my car think, think with all its mechanical soul, that it didn't need gasoline. I convinced my '93 Lumina - or 'Silver Bullet' as I call it - that it can internally combust my dreams. Now, I'm driving easy. Dreams are free and so am I: free to drive about the country.

It's fantastic. Today, I was thinking about how wonderful it would be to be a Snork and the next thing I knew, I was at work. I'm thinking about having an elaborate day dream concerning my conquest of space. I'm going on a road trip...A road trip to the moon. Oh, crap I think I hear my car revving up.

Shalom