Ask A Dweller

In our never ending quest to maintain a great relationship with our legions of fans The Cellar Dwellers would like to introduce: 'Ask A Dweller.' That's right kids, we, the illustrious Cellar Dwellers, are opening up a new dialogue with you, our adoring audience. Using this space the Cellar Dwellers will answer all your burning questions. First up is Mark Jacobs of Baden, Pennsylvania who has a Question for James.

Mark: James, we all know your a real bookworm. So, what are you reading now?

James: First off, technically that was a statement AND a question which isn't exactly what this was designed for. I'll let it slide this time. Oh, don't worry Mark, I'm just pulling your leg. It's cool.

Now, to your question, right now I'm about half way through Edith Wharton's brilliant 'The Age of Innocence'. This book expertly dissects the social mores of Victorian era New York City. It employs a dry and subversive narrative voice in...

Mark: Whoa, James, isn't that kind of a chick book?

James: It is written by a woman, but it's not a 'chick book', whatever that means.

Mark: It means its a book for chicks. Dude, your reading a girly book. I'm not so sure about you, man.

James: What?! No. I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. Reading this book certainly in no way reflects poorly on me or my manhood. It's a book, a great book, by a woman, but it's not like I'm reading the Bridget Jones Diaries. There's nothing inherently unmanly in reading and enjoying Wharton.

Mark: Really? So, what's the book about?

James: It's about a man of high society who is torn between his conventional fiancee and her unconventional cousin.

Mark: Oh, a love triangle. That's the hallmark of good masculine literature. Chick Book!!

James: It's just a way of showing the superficiality of the New York society, and the constraints of its rigid mores. It features brilliant fully developed characters. Plus, the main character is a man.

Mark: Oh, so what's his name?

James: I fail to see what that has to do with anything.

Mark: Then what is it?

James: This is ridiculous.

Mark: The name.

James: Newland.

Mark: Newland?! Sounds like a pansy to me. I bet the book even looks like a chick book. The cover's probably purple or something.

James: It's lilac!

Mark: Wow, that's tons better. Chick book.

James: Well, if it's really such a chick book would Martin Scorcesi have directed the film version.

Mark: He didn't really direct it. It's a conspiracy against him.

James: Who would do such a thing?

Mark: Francis Ford Coppola.

James: Now you're just being stupid.

Mark: I'm sorry did you hear something. It must of just been some little girl who reads girly books. Face it James, it's time for you to take your balls out of your purse and step up to some man literature.

James: Fine. If that's how it's going to be, so be it. I'm a man. I'm all man, dammit. So, I'm going to go out and I'm going to read some Hemingway, and some London, and a whole crap load of Conrad. And then, when I'm good and full of man juices, I'm going to go kill something... something beautiful. And I swear to god, Mark from Baden, if I ever run into you I am totally going Kafka on your ass. You're not going to understand it, but you're not like it either.

Mark: Sounds like someone's over-compensating for something.

James: You son of bitch...


Well, that's all the time we have this week for 'Ask a Dweller', be sure to join us next week when Sally from Hopewell asks Little Mike loaded questions about the UN.

Shalom