Jamster and the New Economy

"If you want the Bling Bling Rims, dial 5548. If you want the Burning Skull, dial 5549. If you want to flush your money down the crapper and let everyone know you are a complete tool, dial Jamster today!"

I don't like to rant, but I must say that I absolutely hate those Jamster commercials. They are frequent, they are obnoxious, and they peddle a product that is about as useful as turd under your windshield wiper. And yet someone has to be buying them, otherwise they would have stopped their campaign of obnoxiousness ages ago.

I just don't understand the draw of them. Why would anyone pay money for a background of a spinning hubcap? There is just a warm feeling I get every time I flip open my cell phone and see that "spinner." All is right with the world. Or maybe you prefer pictures of computer generated purple hippos, for a little added anxiety in your life. But Jamster isn't just a one trick pony! No, they have all sorts of asinine backgrounds for you to choose from. Including women with huge butts (because some guys like that).

Certainly more embarrassing, annoying, and pointless, are the ringtones. Ringtones have become something of a phenomenon amongst cell phone users, and with each generation they get more and more elaborate. Phones nowadays can just play an MP3 (that you upload) every time someone calls you. Some folks don't want to answer their phones because they want to hear the rest of the song... this is stupid. But because randomly hearing "Crunk Juice" in the middle of class isn't enough to drive a teacher into retirement, Jamster has brought a new card to the table: stupid catch phrases.

Our world is driven by catch phrases. Anyone who's run for public office, watched TV, or consumed a Coke knows how a simple catch phrase can drive you to take action. If a phrase like "Git R' Done" makes people want to hop in their pickups and chase down some raccoons, just imagine the phrase that you would make you want to kill a man... yeah, that very phrase can now be your ringtone! That's right, because thanks to Jamster you can have crazy stereotypes yell out stereotypical phrases each time someone calls your phone. There are great hits like "Girl shake that ass!" and "Dammmmmn Boy!" and "God Bless America!"

This is probably the worst product sold thus far in the twenty-first century. People already hate it when someone's cell phone rings in a public setting (or at least I do), but now when it rings people think someone else is talking.

Boss: So what makes you think you are qualified for the position of administrative assistant?
You: Well, sir...
*Your unknowing aunt calls your cell phone to ask out over for dinner*
Phone: BACK THAT THING UP, BITTTTTCCCCCHHHHH!
Boss: Excuse me?!
Phone: I'M GONNA TAP THAT ASS LIKE A KEG!
You: I'm sorry sorry that's my-
Phone: PIMP ON THE LINE! PICK UP, HO!
Boss: Um sorry, but we can hire anyone with such an obnoxious ringtone.

Yeah, so think about that next time you go for an interview! It's about as annoying as those stupid Nextel walky-talky phones. *BUD-BLEEP!*

I have a feeling that the whole cell phone thing is going to collapse on itself sooner or later. There is so much crap out there for your phone it's ridiculous. And with schmucks like Jamster exploiting morons, God will only let this go on for a little bit longer.