FSTV

You can't really attack the right to "freedom of speech." It's one of the best things about our nation. You have the right to say whatever you want, agree with people or disagree with people. We can write news articles that uncover dirt on our government without having to worry about being beheaded or tortured. But that also means that I have the right to make fun of people... specifically those on 'Free Speech TV,' a public access station found on Dish satellite systems.

I've never seen a more paranoid, radically left, socialist, tree-hugging, loud-mouthed television station in my life. Oh wait, I used to watch MTV. Besides MTV... and CNN. And Oxygen... this takes the cake. "Free Speech TV", with the lovely subtitle 'What Democracy Looks Like,' was discovered one evening by my brother, who enjoys surfing through the more obscure channels filling our satellite guide. He first told me about it because of the Gay and Lesbian news show they had on there: up to date information and news on gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender issues. Because there are so many.

I finally got my taste of "democracy" when I watched a show on there the other evening called Arsenal of Hypocrisy. The show was a basement-produced documentary about how NASA and the United States government plans to take over the world. Nope, it's not April 1st, this show was dead serious. It wasn't really even a show, it was just one guy (whose name thankfully escapes me) sitting in front of a camera on a tripod talking away. He was looking slightly to the left of the camera, just to create the appearance that this was an interview, and he wasn't just some crazy conspiracy theorist. Occasionally he would splice in clips of missiles launching into space or cover to a book he just referenced.

How is NASA going to take over the world? How is Bush working with NASA to take over the world? Well really it's quite simple. Through a combination of the Missile Defense System (AKA Star Wars) and taking complete control of THE MOON, Bush should have this thing under his belt buckle by the end of his second term. Just in time for him to take over D.C. and become the compassionate conservative dictator of the entire Earth. That's what this bloke is saying. Apparently Star Wars will allow America to attack anywhere on Earth, and stop missiles from attacking us... okay, that was understood back when Reagan proposed the idea. But because we can do this, we will be able to launch rockets and ships into space and set up a new colony on THE MOON. Once we control the moon we will be able to position it and control the earth's gravity... therefore controlling go GETS ON AND OFF THE EARTH!!! Because, in case you didn't know, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people trying to get off the earth. Unfortunately they keep drinking poisoned Kool-Aid and never quite make it.

The guy knew his shit. Maybe because that's exactly what it was: shit. My favorite part of the entire program was when he threw a splash screen up that said "According to my internet research..." That's when I just smiled and nodded my head. He had based this entire show off of a few "space" books from the library and research done solely on the internet. Because all political and scientific revolutionaries do ALL of their research through Google. The books he mentioned were such winners as "Mining the Sky," and all featured covers with sweet illustrations of space stations! He should have thrown in a Where's Waldo book and this whole thing would have made a little more sense.

I'm glad there are TV stations like this... where crazy folks can get on and spout off until they are blue in the face about whatever the hell they feel like. The best part about all of it is that it's always the left-winged wackos. You don't see any "crazy" gun-totin' 'Publicans on there yelling about Canada harnessing the power of Affirmative Action to conquer the solar system. But hey, I'll be tuning back in... it's more entertaining than MTV.