Happy Black Friday

Happy Black Friday (or at Toys-R-Us, Green Friday, supposedly from the money that comes in and not the color employees show up for work.)
This day is capitalism crazy. I’m surprised it doesn’t have its own Hallmark day.
- Here’s wishing you a grand ultimate day of capitalism!
- It’s 5 a.m. do you know where the best door busters are?
- Jesus is coming soon, and nothing says love like overpriced electronic and battery operated gadgets.
My first Black Friday, I arrived at work at 5 a.m. WHAT!? you ask. Who in their right mind would shop at such an ungodly hour of the morning? Then I found out. 30 or more people who want a GameBoy with one free game. That’s right, one free game, and they’ll run from the front door to the R-zone, and God help you if you get in the way. It’s what we in the business call ‘doorbusters’.
Door busters are all the rage. Or should I say all the rampage.
“Outta my way, punk ass! I need that Dora the Explorer talking house, or Christmas will be ruined for my granddaughter!”
And no one wants to ruin Christmas, especially on the first ‘official’ shopping day.
- To my grandmother on this first blessed day of the Christmas season … make sure that I receive a Nintendo DS or I’ll suffer shame and indignation throughout the year (and in turn I won’t love you) Love Billy.
I’m sure Jesus would have been pissed if he didn’t get the Moses action figure (complete with 1000 locusts) that was so big in the year 6, or that Pharaoh’s Talking Palace – "Shalom! If you see a first born, say, first born!”
This morning someone actually called a Toys employee a witch (with a “b”) and hit her with a cart. She deserved it, though. No one should be told at checkout time they have to wait in line like everyone else. The nerve.
- Dear Retailer, Happy Black Friday, and next year, could you please provide motorized shopping carts.
I forgive her though. Of course she didn’t hit me, and I know she’ll never make it to Best Buy to get that portable DVD player (the one little Billy is gonna use 3 times, twice before New Years to watch Shrek 2, and then once to see if his Playstation 2 games work in it).
Of course little Billy’s only 6 and he’s already getting a PlayStation 2, a Gamecube, a DVD player and the Mall Madness board game that mom ran a pregnant lady over at Wal-Mart to get before she got to Toys-R-Us to get him that Chicken Dance Elmo that was incessantly dancing in her cart of death.
And me? I got a sick thrill out of saying, “We sold out of that. You should have gotten here earlier.” Like 7:30 isn’t early enough to get a copy of Bad Boys for Playstation 2.
Oh, yeah. And I better get a Nintendo DS this Christmas, or there will be no love!