Paid Vacation: The BM Dome Scandal Pt. 1

It's BM. I have spent the last 6 days on paid suspension having been accused of abusing a mentally handicap client; an investigation is currently underway. These allegations are false, or misconstrued at best, but there is a strong possibly I could lose my job, and retain the stigma of being a "client abuser" on my permanent record. Let's begin...

The Pittsburgh based improv troupe I-Factor recently performed a private show for a company called Allegheny East. I am an employee of Allegheny East, a supervisor specifically. My job is to handle the daily affairs of 40 mentally challenged clients and 7 staff members at a vocational day program.
In the half hour preceding the show Joe, Larry, I-Factorers Anna and Drew, and myself were shuffled into the official AE conference room to await our turn on-stage. There is no conference room more "conference room" than AE's. The 6 framed inspiration posters blanketed the walls like newspaper cut-out Family Circus cartoons splattered on Aunt Wilma's fridge: Innovation, Make It Happen, Teamwork, Persistence, Integrity, and Courage. You know the type, a hokey picture of an Eagle flying and the caption underneath: "Innovation. Good fortune rarely falls into the laps of those who won't get off the couch." or something of that nature. The shelves were riddled with training tapes from 1973, HIPPA rules and regulations booklets, and the stench of rotting ambitions smothered under the irrelevance of tele-conferences long since past.
The five of us past the brief visit to the conference room by spinning dimes, looking for the videocamera in the air duct, and whirling quarters at an unsuspecting Drew. Minutes before our stage call-time, and prompted by the restless shouts from down the hall of "Fac-tor (thump-thump), Fac-tor (thump-thump), Fact-tor...," we placed one hand top another in traditional "Wo-Bundy/Go Time" fashion. However, rather than "Go Bundy" our battle cry was "Let's not get Matt fired."

-
The time was 12:03 noon on Wednesday, April 25. I had spent the last 5 days considering my vulnerable predicament. My time to testify had come, and I was waiting patiently for the investigator to arrive. Growing tired of verbally rehearsing the answer "Abuse? WTF are you talking about." I scanned the room for anything that would draw me from the moment. I looked down, a long table; I looked to the right, a tall plant; I looked straight ahead and up to witness a photo of a path forking off in the woods: "Integrity: Wisdom is knowing which paths to choose. Integrity is having the guts to take them." This was worse than a Family Circus cartoon.


I can not continue with this testimony because I can not legally do so at this point. (just in case) Part 2 will chronicle the exiting outcome of the investigation, which I have yet to learn, and detail the short and long term fallout.

"'Tis more plausible to pluck a thorn bush bare-handed than to pelt your scrote with a tuning fork."
-BM