Deconstructing Santa's DVD Extras (circa 2003)

Now that Decon Santa has wrapped up for another year, I thought it would be fun to go back into the archives and post what we wrote about the show the FIRST time we did it. I know this is alot to read, but it's all very fascinating and actually pretty funny. As soon as I make the actual Decon Santa website, we will have these posted on there... but for now, read some secrets about our beloved Christmas show:

JAMES: "here's a Christmas present just for all the - 3 or 4 - people who read the blog. As you may imagine not everything we wrote could make it into the the final script. For instance, as originally conceived the show would feature theatrical style trailers before the show proper. I wrote a couple of these - concentrating mainly on mocking the coming attraction voice overs - however they proved too difficult to produce visually on stage. The trailer idea was eventually completely nixed. But now in a kind of special-edition-director's-cut-DVD spirit, I give you one of the missing trailers from the Cellar Dweller's Deconstructing Santa in script form. Handle with Care:

In a world where conformity is the norm, everyone plays by the rules, a free spirit runs into a wall at every turn, and every question is answered with ‘no’ only one man is willing to break through and say “OH YEAH.” Prepare yourself for …KOOL…AID… MAN…The Movie. This summer Kool- Aid Man is hitting the streets for action and he has the man seeing red. Only Kool-Aid will wet your appetite for comedy, drench you with action, and slake your thirst for romance. Are you going to like this movie? OH YEAH!! "

MIKE: "Inspired by James' entry on the DVD Extras, I wanted to mention our idea for the alternate ending to the show...

After Aaron shoots the Killer and saves the day, everyone goes their separate ways, and Santa leaves Aaron. So after that skit, there was to be a short skit where Aaron was sitting on a curb or something (this idea wasn't fully developed) and Steve Clairmont and his wife Alice were to ADOPT Aaron, therefore giving him a family. Sure Aaron is like 20+ years old, but that doesn't really matter. It would have been a truly contrived ending, but the one we had was WAYYYYY better."

JAMES: "Apparently the DVD extra thing is a big hit. At least one person has told me they like it and that's about a third of our total blog readership. Here's a little nugget of Cellar Dweller's Deconstructing Santa trivia which the true Dweller fanatic cannot live without.

Did anyone wonder why most of Deconstructing Santa took place in and around Kansas City? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. We chose Kansas City based on a joke which did not make the final cut. You see, the characters of Rob and Bert - who we referred to privately as the annoying guys and you probably thought of as the gay guys - were originally conceived as two hyperactive optimists who still never agreed on things. For instance, if Rob saw a cup as being half full, Bert would see the same cup as full half way. It was an idea based on an improv skit me and Joe performed at the Outlet for Creativity's Friday night improv. However, the characters proved too difficult to write as originally conceived. There was really only one joke and it got old immediately upon being put down on paper. It was a total disaster. Joe and I spent an entire evening trying to get it to work, but never got past the opening lines: "I'm half done packing." "I'm done packing half way."

So, obviously these characters simply could not be used, but we still needed some character(s) for the killer Santa to kill - in order to set up his full evil capacities. So, eventually Rob and Bert became hyper Christmas lovers, which was much easier to write. Still, several things remain from the optimists. The names Rob and Bert were chosen because one is Robert half way and the other is half way to Robert. Also, Christmas in purgatory was first vaguely imagined with these characters since purgatory is half way to heaven and to heaven half way. I hope you see why we nixed these guys. I would have killed myself if I had to write this crap for too long.

So, anyway Kansas is roughly half way across the country from either coast. By the time we jettisoned these characters it was too late - or we were too lazy - to change a lot of the other stuff which had already been made to take place in Kansas City. we ended up stuck in Kansas City.

Also, I think I should note that Rob and Bert are not gay. They were simply [enthusiastic]. Of course we knew how people would take the characters and played it up. But a close examination of the script - something which could have really helped our cast - reveals that we purposely mislead the audience into thinking the characters are gay only to undercut the seemingly questionable dialogue to be about something truly mundane. "

MIKE: "Anywho, the character of Steve Clairmont has an interesting history.

The trilogy began late one night during an improv workshop over the summer, when we improved the idea of a mugger being recognized by an old friend. In the improv version, the mugger actually SHOWED the friend how to rob someone. But I scrapped that idea when I sat down to write the first skit. I wrote the basics for all three skits, and then we punched them up as a whole, adding jokes here and there until they got to the way they were in the show.

The second skit was improved by me and Josh Knopp at college. It was basically me, a nameless robber, breaking into his next-door-neighbor's house. I then put two and two together and slapped the Steve Clairmont character in the skit, and connected it to the first.

The third skit was just the natural progression of the problem. Me and Mike the Tall brainstormed on AIM and came up with some ideas for it.

I wrote these three skits before we were even thinking about doing an all-skit-Christmas-show. Then, early one morning at the Copper Dog, we were planning the show and the character just natually fit into the show.

The name Steve Clairmont isn't really significant. I named him slightly after the main character in the Castlevania games: Simon Belmont. I just changed the name a tad because I have used the last name of "Belmont" in a handful of things I have written. The original titles for the skits were pretty long. They went something like: "The Steve Clairmont Experiment: Part One: The Mugging" But of course we changed them to be more audience friendly in the program.

Originally, I had planned on Steve NOT getting back together with his wife. He was originally supposed to go mad and "steal christmas" and therefore taking the role of the Grinch. Then he was to have a big ol' monologue and realize what he was doing was wrong. And then he was going to try and "return" "christmas" to a little girl's house, therefore running into James, Aaron, and the Killer. It was kind of a weird and abstract thing that made his character kind of cliched. The way we did it, with him getting back together with his wife, was the best way to go about it, and the third skit ended up being my favorite.

I'm a big fan of bank robbery scenes. I wrote an entire one-act for my highschool that took place during a bank robbery. They are pretty awesome, and doing this one, where Steve and Alice get back together, was really awesome.

As for the Green Hornet theme song, we didn't really think of that until about two weeks before the show. Joe and I were at Kings planning the music outline for the show when we started playing with the idea of giving him an actual theme song. The Green Hornet Theme just seemed fitting. And the short clip that plays in the middle of the third skit was an add-on that we came up with the week of the show, that I think worked amazingly well.

So there ya go. That's everything about Steve Clairmont, the robber that never was."

JOE: "now i know alot of you were interested in steve clairmont, and the two annoying or gay guys, however you want to call it, but the charector that i feel leaves the audience with the most questions, and curiosity is hostage #1 in the steve clairmont ex-wife skit, or the bank robbery skit as it is so reffered to as. (go poor grammer) . most people in our audience as well as some of our cast refered to hostage #1 as very 1 dimensional and or , a throw away charactor, meaning that he has no real relavence within the context of the show, this is where i must disagree whole hartedly, as you all know hostage #1 was played by me, joe , and i did enjoy the charactor, but even though hostage #1 was only seen for a short 5 line stint in one skit, the charactor was originally going to do so much more,unfortunately his extra quips were cut before he was even named. so lets take this time to explore the charactor of hostage #1

first off, he was from n.y. city, where part of the show was originally to take place before the whole kansas city joke was adopted and then cut, hence hostage #1's thick bronx like accent.

secondly, like steve clairmont of the steve clairmont experience and experiment fame, hostage #1 had also gone through a painfull divorce hence his line, " if i wanted to here you two bitch i'd go back to my exwife," unfortunately unlike steve clairmont, hostage #1 was and still is very bitter about the divorce, and is a dead beet, hence the line "kinda makes me wish i would have paid my alamony...aw screw it she can work"

thirdly, hostage #1 is not a very good father,but, is still trying to be a father, and not abandoning his children altogether like some fathers, and MOTHERS have done to their children. oh no, hostage # 1 still sees his kids a bit, we know this from the line " can we hurry this up, i got my kids today" unfortunately we know hostage #1 is not a good father because of the following line, "are you done robbing us i still gotta get smokes for my kids" for shame, buying ciggarettes for his children.
finally hostage #1 does have his share of personal battles to overcome, like all good round charactors do. for it is implied in the line "ust give him the money so we can get outta here before the liquor store closes" that hostage #1 has an alcoholl addiction. so contrary to popular beleif hostage #1 is not the one dimensional throw away charactor that all of you have thought, even though he had a mere 5 lines, so much of his life and attitude are explored, you just have to pay attention and know where to look."

There's so much more to say about the show... and I'm sure it will be said, as there is alot of stuff we changed this year and it deserves to be mentioned. But this entry is long enough, so until next time...