A Letter to Oldies Radio

Dear oldies radio,

We go back a long way, you and I. You've always been there, from my parents' format of choice in my infancy to the ever ready stalwart through adolescence. Whenever i wanted to here great pop from yesteryear, you were there. You were there with Elvis, The Beatles, the Beach Boys, Sam Cooke, Otis Reading, Buddy Holly, and the rest. You were not always cool. Actually, for much of my adolescence you were terribly uncool. No one wanted to listen to an older generations music. But I always stood by you Oldies Radio. I always kept you on a preset button. I could count on you. You were the old reliable.

Now, things are different. I don't know how to tell you this. So, I'm just going to say it. You've changed man. You used to be cool in your own square, retro sort of way, but now you are simply not the adorable reliable Oldies Radio I have become accustomed to. Just today I turned you on only to hear "Ghostbusters" by Ray Parker Jr. Ghostbusters! I was shocked. Surely, I reasoned this must be some sort of mistake. I must have flipped over to the shuffle station by accident. Yet, after checking and rechecking, there was no doubt that you were playing this song. I was confused. I was lost. Most of all, I was hurt, hurt and betrayed.

Now, I have nothing against "Ghostbusters." It was a very important part of my childhood. That song has led to so many terrible 'Who you gonna call?' jokes that I cannot hate it. I like 'Ghostbusters'. But not for you Oldies Radio. That song is from the 80's. This song is from my lifetime. I know that I am getting older. Eventually songs from my childhood and adolescence are going to be nostalgia pieces. It's inescapable. It's already started. The 80's are central to pop culture remembrance. It's just a matter of time until the grunge reunion tours dominate the summer ribfest circuit. Within ten years - as much as it would make me want to vomit - Limp Bizkit could be making a mint off all the retards I graduated from high school with looking back on how awesomely retarded they were in 1999. What then Oldies Radio. Will Limp Bizkit be let into the fold as an Oldie. Does music only have to reach a certain age to become an oldie. I say no.

Like it or not Oldies Radio, oldies is genre. In my mind, and - I would hope - in the minds of millions of Americans oldies refers to a particular genre of music, music produced over a particular period of time and of a particular type. You see, I don't expect or want songs from the 80's. I don't want disco. When I turn my dial to you, Oldies Radio, I expect old platters. I expect girl groups. I expect Motown. I expect Rockabilly. I expect music made from the 50's through to the early 70's at the latest. Once the lumbering behemoth classic rock came into town and then disco became pop, you're done. I'm tired of hearing great old platters being given over to Disco and 80's new wave pop. Look, I like Thomas Dolby as much as the next guy, but he's not for you Oldies radio.

Now, don't feel bad. You have so much incredible music to offer. You have The Beatles - although you have to share their later output with the Classic Rock Radio. You have the Beach Boys. You have 50's teen idols. You have great girl groups singing songs about how their boyfriends can beat people up. You have Carl Perkins and buddy Holly. You have the entire Motown catalogue to work with. That's great stuff. You are the only place to go for these. When I need to hear 'Earth Angel'. I come to you. No other format has me covered. This is who you are. Embrace it. You don't need to sex yourself up with new - well, new to you - songs from the 80's. You're Oldies Radio. You're a stalwart. You give me the great pop from the 50's and 60's. That's a beautiful things. Leave the hits of the 70's, 80's, 90's and today to those Bob and Frank assholes.

Shalom