The CEO of Roy Rogers Addresses His Shareholders

Thank you for the the warm reception.

As I am sure you are all well aware, the Roy Rogers Corporate family is coming off a banner financial year. We are riding high upon an unprecedented wave of success. Every single Roy Rogers location posted record profits for the first time in company history. With the help of every manager, cashier, and deep fryer operator, we have made Roy Rogers a force to be reckoned with. I am extremely proud to announce to you, as of today, Roy Rogers is the third most powerful restaurant chain on the Pennsylvania Turnpike.

Thank you.

I am not usually prone to self congratulation - to tooting upon my own horn if you will - but I feel I have earned this moment to bask in the glow of this success. I honestly believe we would not be here today, enjoying this almost passable fried chicken, if I had not taken drastic measures in turning this company around. Many of you were worried when I took over. Many more were trepidatious when I implemented my three pronged plan for success. These three prongs - Limit locations, lower expectations, and higher prices - has proved a boon to this company.

You all thought I was crazy when I closed every Roy Rogers location with the exception of those along the turnpike. But I knew something which none of you knew: Our chicken sucks. We can never survive in the free market. A consumer faced with limitless food options will never choose Roy Rogers of his own volition. However, if a consumer is faced with only the choice between our chicken or a hot dog on a roller or a piece of pizza under a heat lamp, or an overpriced can of Pringles, the likely hood of that consumer choosing Roy Rogers increases to 23 percent. And that's acceptable. Because once you're on the Turnpike, you stay on the Turnpike.

Picture a father driving a family of five across state to Grandmother's house. The kids are screaming with hunger. The wife is nagging him about finding a restaurant. He sees a rest stop on the horizon. Relief spreads through his soul. Then as he approaches, his heart sinks when he realizes it's a Roy Rogers stop. He considers going on, although it may be another hour before he passes another stop. He doesn't want to get off the highway to eat. What does that man do? He bites the bullet and buys our chicken. This, ladies and gentlemen, is our ideal customer: hungry, irritated, and willing to eat almost anything. And do you know what? Under these conditions, our chicken tastes almost good. Almost. He is even willing to pay 25 percent more for it on the Turnpike than we can charge on the open market. This is the secret to our success.

But we cannot rest on our laurels. I feel it is time to expand our operation. I have been looking into a variety of locations which meet our criteria for limited clientele, and unsavory choices. I have contacted a number of prisons throughout this great land. I have also explored the possibility of our first international franchise at Guantanamo Bay. We can build next to almost every Hardies in America. The future is looking up for Roy Rogers.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to thank you for your help and support in the past. I look forward to your increased support as we move into this brave new world of expansion. With your hard work I honestly believe we can become the second most powerful restaurant on the Turnpike. Sbarro, you are in our cross hairs.

Thank you.

Shalom