The Countdown Winds Down

It looks like our long wait is finally coming to an end. It's been years, but on Friday all our hopes and prayers are finally being answered. "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" is being released - like all you Rob Schneider nuts need to be reminded.

Now, I know it's seemed like this day would never come. We've all been waiting patiently, following the news of the arduous European filming, and praying the high quality of writing, directing, and acting would carry over from the first film. I for one never lost faith in the Rob-meister. Now, there's nothing left for us to do but count the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until Deuce Bigalow makes his triumph return to the silver screen. I hope they have a midnight showing on Thursday night. I can't imagine they won't. They do for all the big films, and its not like there's going to be a bigger opening all summer.

If you're anything like me, these next few days will be the longest of your lives, as you wait endlessly for every cruel second to tick off the clock. Well, I'm here to remedy this. I've compiled a short list of things to do to pass the time until the big day.

1. Rewatch the original "Deuce Bigalow"
I know, I know. It seems so obvious and we've all seen the movie like a billion times. Still, you need to be sure you're up to speed on what's going on in the sequel. You don't want to be lost in the theater as the sequel follows the complex tale of that lovable lothario Deuce Bigalow. Plus, its such a great film, you really can't see it too many times. It's so intricate, you're bound to pick up on one of the many subtle touches you missed on your first billion viewings.

2. Start letter writing campaign to get Eddie Griffin a best supporting actor Oscar.
It is never too early to get the ball rolling on this one. After all, we really screwed the pooch on this one last time. Eddie didn't even receive a nomination, and that's just a cruel, sick joke. We need to make sure the Academy pays attention to the wonderful performance Mr. Griffin is assured to give. If we're not careful they'll end up giving the award to some loser again. Like last year, they gave it to some guy named Morgan Freeman. What's the deal with that? What's he ever done?

3. Send letters of encouragement to Rob Schneider
I just hope my restraining order does not pertain to letters.

4. Write your own story for the sequel
Then you can see how close the actual film. Plus, maybe you'll come up with something quite good. Even if it's nothing like the real film, maybe you can send it to Mr. Schneider and he can incorporate your ideas into the next Deuce Bigalow movie. After all, after the unavoidable runaway success of "European Gigolo", there just has to be another sequel. Maybe we could see what kind of wacky exploits Deuce can get himself into in space.

5. Volunteer your time to a soup kitchen
I'm just kidding. Who wants to help poor people when there's a Rob Schneider film opening just days away? Not me, that's for sure.

6. Have a car wash
Just charge $8 a wash, and then every car you wash equals one viewing of Deuce Bigalow 2. The other day I held my car wash, and washed 34 cars. This means I can see the movie 34 times. Of course, I'm going to have to hold another one to be able to see the film as many times as I want and it deserves.

Well, that's all I have for now. As you can see I have a lot of activities leading up to the big day. Hopefully, Friday will be here before I know it. I've got to get going. I need to start writing some letters. See everyone at the theater on Friday, and remember anyone who doesn't want to see "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" is a loser who knows absolutely nothing about film.

Shalom